Lance is going to Africa (with your help)

2009-07-07T08:19:00.000-07:00

Hello cyber-world,

Do you ever get the feeling that everything is out of order, that nothing feels right? And then in your confusion God wraps his arms around you and though you still can't find anything, you feel at peace? ...

Yeah, me too.

I'm in the middle of a tour with the Josh Hiers Band and everyday I'm learning to become more selfless... It's just part of the natural process of being with a large group, or rather a community, for a long amount of time... I think that's how God intended things. More and more I'm learning to die to myself and to serve others.

I so often forget to die to myself with my family and friends back home... I figure that I do it so much here on the road that surely I don't need to be selfless with those I care about back home... But as you might figure, that couldn't be more wrong.

So, to those I have neglected to call, and to those that I have neglected to keep in touch with and to follow your lives and to love your lives, and to those that in our conversations and in our relationships I have put myself before you, when I put my feelings before yours... Please forgive me.

God is placing me on the potters wheel... He is refining me and shaping me until there's nothing left of me... until all you can see is God's reflection.

-Lance

If you want more insightful blogs that challenge your life visit a friend of mine's blog.

2009-03-21T19:34:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile since I've blogged. You probably didn't even realize it, though, and that's what I'm counting on. A lot's changed, a lot hasn't changed (God really being the only thing haha), but I feel like I just need to write. Write what? you may ask. Good question! I wish I had the answer.

Sometimes I'm so good at giving out advice, but when it comes to using my own advice, I either am really good at making excuses or really just don't believe in my advice enough to use it.

I've been more desperate for God recently. I guess that's what usually happens when you pray for something haha. I've been praying for His eyes, and His heart, and to be hungry for His presence in my everyday life, and in my everyday situations. I want to feel Him in every conversation. And guess what? God came though. As usual. Why do I doubt so often?

My heart is heavy right now (which is probably why I'm writing all this nonsense), and I've looked forward to turmoil of the heart, and working through things, until it actually comes to doing it. But I can see dawn.

Anyway, I love you all. I love those of you that read this more;)

I promise to write more meaningful stuff next time.

My prayer for you: God, will you find whoever reads this and give them your eyes. To see what can't be seen. To be able to look past face value and into the spiritual. Give them your heart. A heart that burns for people. A heart that breaks for a generation that's conforming to what they see and not what they believe. May you find this person, and hold them in your arms, and let them know that everything will be ok. Let them lean against your chest, hear your heart beat, and feel their head rise and fall as your breathe in and out. God, would you wreck me! And if the person that reads this is willing, would you wreck them? Wreck us God!

On My Way Back To The Top

2008-12-25T18:22:00.000-08:00

You know that place… That moment… Right before you fall asleep at night…

Where you’re not quite asleep, but you’re still not quite awake? And something scares you and you jump?

Whenever I find myself in that moment, it’s like a dream and I’m always laying down on the edge of a cliff…

And then I start to roll over the edge of the cliff, and before I find out what happens, my body jumps and I wake up…

Well… Sometimes I wanna go to the cliff and just fling my body off of the top of it…

Because I would rather jump and come crashing to the bottom, than to still be standing at the top, wondering... if I can fly.

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There are so any things I would've done/said differently... but it's okay, I'm with good company.

Merry Christmas!

Easy Heart

2008-12-21T13:56:00.000-08:00

Easy Heart, stand firm.
Wait with arms strong,
sturdy, and out.

Easy Heart, stand firm.
Catch daisy's cousin
Don't let this flower fall in doubt.

Easy Heart.

You can Dance while you wait,
but don't close your eyes.

You can laugh while you wait,
but don't laugh with the sky.

You can Sing while you wait,
But don't croon about the spring.

My heart doesn't listen,
He smiles when he sings!

The Streak Continues

2008-11-06T15:26:00.000-08:00

I've been getting hurt a lot lately. It started with my fixed gear bike (pictured top right. Ahhh I love her). She only has one gear and no brakes, so needless to say she plays rough. The first incident happened in Orlando. I was learning how to skid-stop in a parking garage when I lost balance and flipped the bike. I got pretty scrapped up. That was followed by many more "tanks" as Ryan Young likes to call them. A few days ago I went surfing. It was a pretty "mushy" day but it's too long of a drive to not get wet. I was in the water and was paddling in on this wave when I decided at the last second that I need to bail. I jumped off the board but it got caught in the wave, pulled tight on my leash, and then was flung in the air. It came flying down and slammed right into to my forehead. I couldn't tell how bad it was but I knew it hurt!! There was no one out there with me and no one on shore either. I was afraid I had a concussion and that I'd pass out in the water with no one around, so I road the next wave in on my stomach. Then two days ago I was (again) riding my bike late at night with a few friends (Ryan and Cono) when some young kids drove by us as about 50 mph honking there horn and yelling at us only to have to slam on their brakes for the stop sign 50 yards ahead of us. I thought the guys were gonna role through the stop sign but they decided to stop right next to the car that almost just ran over us to stare them down or something. But I wasn't paying attention and tried to skid to a stop but slid right into the back of Cono's bike and went head first over my bike and onto the pavement. I hyper-extended all my fingers on my left hand and was almost positive that I broke my left index finger. It turned out that it was just extremely inflamed or something. I couldn't really understand what the doctor was saying. (Walk-in clinic). Side note: I've never broken anything in my life (bone-wise) and was really upset when I thought that my finger was broken, but... The STREAK continues!

I'm going 100% after everything. I ride to0 fast on my bike. I surf too hard on my board. I take way too many classes at school. So, needless to say I've been failing a lot. But to be honest, I've never felt more alive in my life!

I've got one more thing that needs "failing," but I can't tell you what it is just yet!

Patience is a Virtue

2008-10-10T23:49:00.000-07:00

Today was a good day!

I turned in all my homework!

I went on a 2 hour bike ride around downtown Lakeland. You'd be surprised at how many nooks and crannies Lakeland has.

I had dinner at Palace Pizza.

I hung out with some of the most amazing people in the world. Most of my favorite people.

I played on a jungle gym for an hour. I felt 10 years old again.

I played a giant game of "Capture the Flag" in the middle of the night in the middle of downtown Lakeland.

It was a pretty darn good day!

Sorry for the delay in blog posts. (Some care more than others. Thank you to those who keep me writing). About 2 months ago I found out that some people I never figured would even know what a blog was were reading my blog and it kind of caught me off guard. So, I took a little break from blogging and the little break turned into a sabbatical of sorts. But anyway. I'm back. Hello cyber space!

Who will drive the bus?

2008-08-02T19:49:00.000-07:00

I never knew how much I crave companionship. My parents are gone. All my friends are resting from a long weekend of summerfest! And somebody is house sitting our dog. I never realized how big this house could feel and how alone I could feel.

And to nail it in: a great friend of mine has gone to Love with Jesus! It's been hard for me. If he were here he would wipe our tears and tell us to smile. And as hard as it is, I want to do what he would will. You will be missed.

Trite

2008-08-01T12:14:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged for awhile. It's not that I don't want to it's just that I've recently stumbled across a bunch of my friends' blogs, and I'll feel trite* writing anymore. I don't like riding in the wake of the (mad)** genius of my friends.

The summer has been good to me. I've learned a lot. I learned that I take way to many things for granted. Such as friends. I have some of the most amazing friends in the world. I challenge any one to think that their immediate circle of friends is any better than mine! And that's the thing about my circle of friends. They aren't a circle at all. More of a horse-shoe shape I figure. Always leaving an open end for someone or something new.

Peace and Love,

-Lance

*I've fallen in love with the word trite. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I think I sound smart when I use it. Who knows. I like it.

**Reference to the John Mayer DVD "Where the Light is." If you don't have it, you need it!

Communication at It's Finest!

2008-07-10T10:29:00.000-07:00

I've been reading this book called "Blink." It's about the mind and the adaptive unconscious. Which is the part of the mind that gives you hunches and gives that "somethings just not right" feeling when you don't know what it is. And it's about how we can know someone's personality within just a few minutes of talking to them. (I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that but that's why I'm reading the book.)

Beside the point of adaptive unconscious, the book said (and I've been searching all morning for the exact numbers, but I forgot to highlight it and I can't find it in the book. I know that I read it though, so take my word that these are the rough estimates of what I remember) that 55% of all communication is in the intonation of the voice: the tone and coloration of what and how you say things. 35% percent of all communication is from body language: how we use our hands and sway our bodies and shuffle our feet and drift our eyes. But only 10% of all communication is in the actual words that we use.

That almost makes sense to me.

I spent some time in other countries and it's amazing how much I can communicate with someone that doesn't speak my language.

But it makes me wonder why we spend so much of our time communicating through texts and internet. Just notice how we try to put emotion into our writing with smileys and lots of exclamation points. The world knows that it can't communicate very well through just text alone, so it's trying to put emotion in our writing. I understand that it's hard to keep up with friends that are far away, but thank God for phones! With the phone you get to communicate 45% of what you actually are trying to portray. You can't actually have any sort of "real" relationship through words alone. I mean that's just my personal opinion, but I think we put way to much time into communicating with our friends through cyber world.

Let's begin to actually take the time to call someone. Or go get lunch with someone. Or grab some coffee with someone. Let's stop trying to define ourselves with how many friends we have on myspace and facebook. Because, let's be real, we can't honestly have 292 (that's the number of friends I have, so I'm talking to me as much as I am talking to whoever has the misfortune to stumble across this blog) meaningful friendships. Community is about relationships, and "real" relationships at that. And that's what being a true Christian is about. Building community with those around you, and loving them. Not just knowing there name and sending a "hey what's up?" every couple of weeks. It's actually caring for them, and wanting to get to know their heart.

Now here's the disclaimer: I'm not saying that the only good way to communicate is in person. There is efficiency in texts and networking online. But that's just it. Friendships aren't about being efficient. And I'm not saying never to text and/or to get rid of your facebook/myspace, because God knows I text way to much and spend way to much time on the internet. So maybe this blog is really for me, and you've got it all together.... but maybe it's no about "you" and "me".... maybe it's about "us."

Peace and Love,

Lance

Bitter Sweet

2008-07-05T22:59:00.000-07:00

I'm becoming a bit home-sick, but am to thrilled to be doing what I'm doing to turn away.

Today was Eric's wedding. It was such a relief to see friends again. It may be just what I needed to finish my journey strong. God always comes through for me in the most meaningful ways.

I went to Eric's wedding with the assumption that I'd get to hang-out and catch-up (and when I say "catch-up" I really mean catch-up; getting to know how their heart again, hearing their victories and their failures... etc) with my friends, only to realize that just a couple hours isn't enough time to catch up with just one friend. It was a bitter/sweet situation. It was so good to see good friends again, but it was so frustrating not to be able to hear their heart. But just being able to sit in the company with friends that have held my heart is enough to last me through the last stretch of my trip.

Peace and Love,

-Lance

2008-06-27T20:42:00.000-07:00

I haven't been able to blog at all because my computer is being used to make our videos. Plus we never have any free time, and if we do it's usually used to sleep or read.

I'll do what I can though.

Peace and Love,

Lance

iPhone Pics

2008-06-22T18:39:00.001-07:00

Charlotte North Carolina:

Downtown Charlotte

Matt was giving us a little dancing show at his house. I'm pretty sure he was dancing to the Nelly song "Hot in hurr!

Paul is combing his beard. hmmm...

Washington DC

We took the train into DC

Abe!

This was so amazing. Just standing there brought on a wave of emotion. This is truly what our country is about.

Matt from our host home had a little hermit crab named Ford

My first time at a sushi restaurant (it actually didn't have any fish in it). It's Chicken Maki

$3.76! Can you believe it?!

You probably can't read it but it says "Speed Limit enforced by Aircraft"

These guys reminded me of the movie August Rush.

I just thought these colors looked nicely together. A nice treat for Paul and I.

Monday, June 16th

2008-06-20T09:36:00.000-07:00

Today we planned to hook-up with a girl who was going to show us around to all the different shelters and stuff, but that fell through... So, we sat around the and finally jus decided to go to a shelter and walk in and talk to somebody. I'm not gonna lie, I wasn't a hundred percent on the idea... but 2-1, I lost.

We showed up to the "Uptown Shelter" and met an amazing woman named Linda Miller. Was the volunteer coordinator for the Uptown Shelter, and she fell in love with our project. She told us to come in the next day and she would find something -anything- for us to do to help. We were really excited that this worked out and I swallowed my pride.

After visiting the Uptown Shelter we decided to take a train into Charlotte and walk around the city and do some sight seeing.

My breath was taken away by the massive that reminded me of Jack's beanstalk... Just by how they stretched towards the sky and never seemed to end... They rose all the way to the clouds... And I swear if you were to go to the tops of these buildings and look out, you'd see a land full of giants living in the clouds.

We walked around, taking pictures and window-shopping, when we came across a little park with a waterfall. The park was dotted with metal tables and chairs, and there were homeless men playing chess. I walked to the other side of the waterfall and found some homeless men playing Texas Hold 'em. I walked right them; a little bit of fear and shame began to flow like a stream through my veins. I walked into a building trying to make it look like I knew what I was doing, only to find out that everything in the building was already closed.

I turned around, a little embarrassed, and walked over to the men playing poker. There was a little pale man, with red hair covered by a cheap NY hat, that seemed to a bit big for him, but you could tell he was proud just to be able to own it. It was easy for me to see that this man ran things by the way he spoke and how he moved. There were about 5 others sitting there laughing and enjoying themselves gambling with quarters and dollars.

The little pale man saw me standing watching and yelled over to me and asked "You wanna' play?! Come on! sit down! We'll deal you in!" So I pulled out two 1 dollar bills and placed them on the table, they changed me out with quarters and we started to play. They were so fast. By the time it would usually take me to shuffle and deal, we had already played three hands. I was having trouble keeping up, but the loud little red-headed man helped me to keep track of everything.

I ended up losing fifty cents on the first hand, and then a dollar. I only had fifty cents left and threw that in. I was all in. I ended up winning that hand with a queen high. So, it was totally all luck; no skill involved whatsoever. I had two dollars and fifty cents and was ready to take my fifty cent winning and leave, but how could I do that? I felt bad taking from the guys haha. So, I sat down and played a few more hands.

During one hand, between a little man from Thailand and the little guy with the NY hat and red hair, things got pretty intense. During the river card (which, if you don't know anything about this poker game, is the last card drawn) the little man from Thailand threw down his cards declaring that he had won and took all the money without letting anybody see his cards. The rest of the table, excluding myself, went insane. Expletives were being hurled everywhere and I seriously feared for my life. But for some strange reason I knew that the other guys had my back if anything had come my way. I didn't have any physical evidence that they would atnd up for me, but as soon as I as walked over to that table, some 30 to 45 minutes ago, and opened up to them and talked to them I knew that there was a connection.

The first day was amazing... and very intense. All-in-all a good first day.

Peace and Love,

Lance

Wifi finally...

2008-06-20T09:16:00.000-07:00

We now finally have wifi here in Maryland and the Steen's house.

I've been trying to keep blogging. Writing my posts out in Microsoft Word planning to just coppy paste everything onto my blog, but it turns out that-that isn't possible, or at least I don't know how to do it.

So here are some pictures -that were supposed to go on my first blog- to tide you over until I write everything out:

Paul sleeping like a little baby

Little Matty takin' a snooze

Some random kids playing a bubble gum baseball game in Zaxby's

Matt's Dad and his hobbies

Peace and Love,

Lance

First Day on the Road!

2008-06-16T10:17:00.000-07:00

Hello all!

We left Florida yesterday to embark on a journey of a lifetime. To Laugh. To Cry. To Breath. To Learn. And most of all to Love. (If you don't know about my trip, check out Behindthesignproject.com)

Matt and Paul left at 4:45am from Lakeland, Florida and picked me from Ocala at 8:00am. My stepdad, Dave, made us an amazing frenchtoast and cheese breakfast (don't knock it 'til you try it). We left my house around 8:45. We had a little trouble packing all of our junk. Paul didn't pack very much, but I think me and Matt have over packed. Or as I like to put it: Paul under-packed! and me and Matt are just right.

The trip was pretty easy, especially becausce we have three people to drive. But we did end up taking a detour through Savannah, Georgia.... We got a bunch of coupons for free stuff from Chik-fil-a, so we're doing everything we can to eat there so we don't have to buy food. So we found a "Chik-fil-a locater" on the internet and found one. The map wasn't drawn to scale so we were going way out of our way, but we figured it would be worth to save the money in the long run, BUT.... We realized that today is SUNDAY! and Chik-fil-a isn't open on Sunday! Oh well, good laughs and a good detour through Savannah, Georgia.

We're staying with Matt's parents in a lovely country log-cabin house that Matt's dad built himself. It's very beautiful and makes for a very nice beginning. Matt's dad is just like Matt, except very-very country! His mom is the sweetest country woman I've ever met. She's this stout blonde woman with a personality that doesn't seem like it could be contained in that body of hers.

I took some pictures from iPhone, from the trip and our host home that I was going to upload on the blog, bug I'm having some trouble with the internet here, but there will be pictures soon. I plan on uploading iPhone pictures ever day that I can! So check back soon!

I love you,

-Lance

Alby the racist dragon!

2008-06-04T21:29:00.000-07:00

(I couldn't think of an actual title for this one)

I have way too many friends... Actually I have way to many acquaintances... I love my friends, but I don't feel like I know them all that well, or like I feel I should... I have so many close-friends that I'm not really close to... I have so many friends that have so much to offer, but I just haven't given them the opportunity to give...

I'm gonna start (it's stinks because I'm about to leave for a month and a half, but I'll just pick up where I'll leave off) hanging out with my friends one-on-one more often... People are more open about life and about how they feel when they don't have the constant pressure of a group needing them to be happy, funny, and fine all the time... People are more willing to tell you how they actually feel when you actually want to know... I'm tired of this "Hey, how are you doing?" followed by a habitual "I'm great! How are you?" Followed by a "Great!.... See ya!" Why ask someone how they are doing if you really don't care to hear the answer... It's become a bad habit of our generation to greet someone with a "How are ya?" or a "How's life?"... If someone asks me how I am doing, I'm going to tell them... If I ask someone how they are doing it's because I really want to know... I do understand that some situations call for some restraint on how much you tell some body, but for the most part, it's time to actually care... Anyway, before I took the rabbit trail... I want to be more open to my friends and have them be more open with me... I want to start taking my friends to lunch, or going out to coffee with them or grabbing some breakfast with them, and really pore into to them and more importantly let them pore into me...

I really just have a new love for "people"... I just want to love people, and spend (real) time with people, but before I can do that with people I don't know, I want to love and get to know my own friends... My own brothers and sisters... My own family!

To all of my friends that read this... I Love you

Ocala, Orlando, Lakeland, Tampa, Sarasota... In 1 day!

2008-05-30T22:09:00.000-07:00

10:00 - 11:30 OCALA: I woke up... exercised... took a shower... and got ready.

11:30 - 1:00 I drove from Ocala to Orlando

1:00 - 3:00 ORLANDO: Ate a pita at Pita Pit... grabbed some coffee at S-bucks (I didn't grab any coffee but the friends I was with did, I just threw pebbles from the giant vase for the fake tree at people)... gave a homeless guy my half drank coke then offered him my chips, but he said he didn't have any top teeth... Went to a rescue mission safe house for women and children... We were then not allowed to come inside the safe house to help... hmmm

3:00- 4:00 I drove to Lakeland from Orlando

4:00 - 7:08 Matt Browns house: did nothing... Kelsy's house: went on a date with Paul... played mario cart for wii... Danced with Matt Brown with our shirts off to 80's music... Leaped from a foot stool onto a bean bag... several times... Got into a water fight with Kara Joy Crosby... Realized I was really late for the Lion King show in Tampa!!

7:08 - 7:45 Raced to the Tampa Performing Arts Centre from Lakeland

7:45 - 11:00 Valet parked!!... Met my parents... Watched an amazing performance of Lion King, the costumes and the concept of the show were amazing!... Went to the restroom

11:00 - 12:15 I drove from Tampa to Sarasota

12:15 - Now Trying to convince myself I should go to bed!

I need some advice...

2008-05-28T22:08:00.001-07:00

I've lost my back pack and have decided to get a new one, but I need one that is big enough to carry a few changes of clothes, toiletries, a book or two, my computer (mac book pro), and some what-nots...

I've come down two these two choices... Help me out...

This is backpack one... I like this one better, just because it's cooler looking, but I not sure how practical it is... What do you think... Constructive criticism is always welcome.

Or backpack number two... Which seems like a more logical because it's bigger (or at least it looks bigger in the picture...) It's not necessarily ugly by any means... But number one is... is... white... I've always had a thing for white (that by no means has anything to do with anything racial)

Long time no see!

2008-05-27T16:52:00.000-07:00

It's been quite some time since I've blogged...

There have been some big changes, and some not so big changes, and some things that never change.

I feel my heart is in a better place, although it's still a little heavy, it has never been better... It has never been so at peace, and yet in such turmoil... I'm am happy with where life is taking me... I learning new things, about myself, about my spirituality, and God... I'm meeting new people, wonderful meaningful people, with a world of great ideas to share with those that will slow down enough to listen, (luckily I've been blessed with a quick-brake-foot).../ Recently though, I find myself angry with people... I can't understand why the world is the way it is... Why the human race is so self-centered... But then I think back to my not so distant childhood... Was I so different? ... Have I even changed? If so, how do I get people to walk down the same avenue as I did? ... But still, everyday I see the light... I see some hope... Like when you look up, into the clouds as they try and hide the sun... You can still see the light as it breaks through, in long powerful beams, as though it had no choice but to fall to the ground... And you know on the other side that something powerful is waiting... I see faces that tell tell stories of broken pasts and distant futures, but eyes full of hope and love... I see the light!

I'm starting to read again, which is probably why I'm starting to blog again... By the way, I'm sorry if this blog sounds a little fake, maybe I'm trying to hard to be deep... I'm still learning how to express myself in words... But what's the error in trying to explain things beyond surface value?

In a couple of weeks I am about to venture out on a journey that excites me, and scares me to death (behindthesignproject.com)... But I know I am not supposed to live in a spirit of fear... I can't help but realize that we are in over our heads, and find myself questioning if we are really in the will of God... But then I realized that God does not call us to things that we can easily accomplish... He calls calls us to the impossible... He calls us to a place where we must rely on Him!

On a lighter note... Next semester I plan on getting one of these:

10 Things I've Leanrned at Southeastern

2008-04-29T17:37:00.001-07:00

It's been awhile since I've blogged, but here I am. For Christian Thought, a class here at Southeastern, and our final was to write 10 things that we have learned over the year. So this is it. Some are funny, some are deep, and some are both. These 10 things are still in rough format because I wrote it an hour before class started haha!

1. Good Parking in Valencia
The parking in Valencia is amazing, most of the time. During regular school hours your already parked so you don’t have to worry about finding parking, but even if you do decide to leave, is you come back around 4:00-5:00 there is always parking. Unlike Aventura, Esperanza, and Destino, where you have to rely on luck constantly to get any kind of decent parking. Valencia is also very quite and peaceful, away from the rest of the school with the great view of the (now empty) mobile home park.

2. Southeastern is safe
I’ve come to the realization that southeastern is a very safe place to be. Not only physically, with the well trained and well armed staff of young security guards, but also spiritually. By this I mean that we really don’t have to act out our Christianity here. Most everyone one here is a Christian, and usually always happy. I mean how could you not be in a good mood when you’re walking around a beautiful campus like Southeastern’s, with background music, none-the-less! We are practically forced to go to Chapel 3-4 times a week, and are even given a bedtime. I’m not stretched here. Maybe it’s a good thing at this point in my life, but I don’t know if I want “good.” I think I want the lost, the desperate, and the hurting. I need to be pushed and stretched. I’ve gotten lazy here.

3. I want a cleaning lady when I get older
I do not take advantage of the wonderful cleaning ladies that we have. I appreciate everything they do and always great them each day they come in with a smile and a thank you. I love not cleaning! Maybe it’s selfish and a bit wasteful, but as long as there are desperate women with desperate families trying to do all that they can to feed their families I will employ them.

4. Not cleaning your plate is not a waste
I know that the statement is a double negative, but I think it’s the only way to get the point across. Just because I don’t eat all the food on my plate doesn’t necessarily mean that the children in Africa are going to starve. Though they are hungry, it’s a direct result of me not eating my food. If I am served more than I can eat, and I don’t eat it will be thrown away in the garbage, or as some like to call it “wasted.” But if I am served more than I can eat, and stuff it down my throat because I don’t want the children in Africa to starve I’m still wasting that same food, it just ends up in a different place.

5. With freedom comes greater responsibility
Although being away from home has its perks and pleasures, I really miss home. I don’t enjoy paying bills. I don’t enjoy grocery shopping. I don’t enjoy paying for my own meals, and buying my own clothes. I really don’t enjoy caring for myself when I’m sick! “I don’t wanna grow up, ‘cause I’m a Toys ‘R’ Us kid!”

6. Chartwell’s gets really old, really quick!
The Tuscana Ristorante is an amazing place, and when you first come here it adds so much to the experience, but over time the excitement that makes your taste buds numb to the food, soon wears down. Once you’ve stood in the sandwich line 100 times because everything else usually taste like it was frozen the night before, you soon get tired of them. Although, I have never been let down by the cheeseburgers! It’s the unhealthiest thing there, but still the best tasting, which isn’t saying much.

7. The older you get the more you realize you don’t know anything.
The more I learn the more I realize I need to learn more. Everywhere that I go, I learn something. Everything experience I have I learn something. Every person I meet I learn something. This just tells me, that everything that I do will teach me something, which tells me that I really don’t know a whole lot.

8. I really should read more.
I’m really not the person that loves to read, but every time I pick up a book, and actually finish it, number one: I feel very accomplished and good about my self, and number two: My head is flooded with so many ideas and feelings that never would have been there if I hadn’t read that book. Books is gooder than T.V. (Grammar error on purpose).

9. I really love music a lot.
I’ve always been a musician, and have always loved music. My dad was a jazz pianist in the Gainesville area, and he talked me into playing bass with him when I was 10 or 11, and when I was 12 I was gigging with him bars all across Gainesville. But recently music became really old and stagnant. Worship music began to lose its passion, and I thought it might be because of something tat was spiritually wrong with me. But through the differences of everyone on campus, and playing with a million different bands and churches and listening to everybody else’s favorite music and jamming in my room with random people and clothes friends, I have rekindled my love for music.

10. I really love God a lot.
Everybody has his or her ups and downs. Everybody plays with the idea that God doesn’t exist. I’ve had the most incredible struggles with God this past year. I loved him with all my heart and forgotten him like a sock behind the couch. But through everything, no matter what, no matter if I acknowledge him or turn a cold shoulder, He is still there. If I walk down the wrong path, and get stuck and call out to God knowing He won’t be there, I feel His hand grab mine, and pull me to safety.

Today

2008-03-18T08:35:00.000-07:00

Today is nice...

Today is about 75 degrees with a cool breeze...

Today is actually a little chilly for me, but I'm sure everyone else likes it...

Today sounds better with the thought of skipping my classes tomorrow and going to the beach...

Today I played in chapel... I love playing in chapel...

Today I feel new...

Today is a good day....

Today is a God day...

Late Night Thoughts

2008-03-13T22:41:00.000-07:00

I can't sleep tonight...

Thoughts of a lost generation... searching... and finding their only reason to live: to survive. A generation that is only out to please themselves, more than to love there own flesh and blood. A generation that only knows love as sex, and peace in relation to war, and a cross as a silly little group's crutch.

Who are we.... Where are we going...

Even worse: Thoughts of a lost generation inside the church. Those who only know the altar as the front of the stage, and those who have no calluses on their knees. A generation lost in cyberspace while half the world doesn't have electricity. We've lost the right to our own opinion to the media. When will we win it back?! What happened? A generation gone bad? Where are the leaders?

There are still a good few. Still pushing. Still believing. Still fighting. I'd like to be a part of that few.

Who am I... What am I doing... Where am I going...

More thoughts of a seemingly steady incline of communication, but in reality, it falls like a brick. We think because the more technologically advanced our communication gets, the better. But now that we've found faster mediums of communication, we've lost the real meaning of communicating. We communicate with each other like we would communicate to a computer. Where's the emotion? Where's the love? Communication involves a relationship. Do we know what we're saying? Do we know the meaning of the words we use, or are we just quoting movies and books? Where's the real "us?" I've been told that if communication stays on the path that it's on, that our words will eventually turn into grunts and growls. I don't want to believe that, but there seems to be some truth.

More thoughts of an all powerful God. Love in form, but not shape at all. Where is He taking us? When will He come for us?

Love has taken on new meaning:
Love is patient
Love is kind
Love does not envy
Love does not boast
Love is not proud
Love is not rude
Love is not self-seeking
Love is not easily angered
Love keeps no record of wrongs
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth
Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres
Love never fails.

God, Love our generation!

What a day!

2008-02-29T08:33:00.000-08:00

Aced my piano final...

Spring Break is finally here...

Chasing '08 with the Desperation band is tonight...

Semi-Pro comes out in theaters today...

And I just received a friend request on myspace from Bert Thomas!!

I'm pretty sure there aren't many days that meet todays standard!

Yep

2008-02-13T21:07:00.000-08:00

I don't know what to write so I'll just start...

Worked out again... That's 4 times now! I'm pretty proud of myself...

School is beginning to become overwhelming... (for my standards anyway)... I knew this semster seemed to easy... Everything came back to bite me in my toocus...

I'm not satisfied with my creativity right now... I feel I write, and draw, and sing, and play, but I get nothing new... I need some inspiration...

I don't know about relationships... They're so odd...

Real Life Story #2

2008-02-08T08:36:00.000-08:00

I've been lazy this last week or so... So, I'm forcing myself to write... Whether or not this is, or could be a good thing, who knows...

I worked out for the first time, in almost a year it seems, this last Monday... First of all, everyone knows how HUGE I am, so I'm sure everyone one in the gym was jealous of my muscles... No, really, I was so intimidated... Just Imagine yourself in my shoes (which is probably pretty easy, because I'm sure most of the people that even read this blog don't enjoy working out;)...) You walk in to a room swarming with adrenaline and hormones... There's a smell in the air, you can't quite make-out what it is, but it's recognizable from the last time you were in a place like this... Everyone seems like they are sizing everyone else up... Everyone is yelling, grunting, sweating, whistling, and every other sound you could possible think of that someone might use to lift something heavier than they should... Not the funnest reestablishment into the health and fitness world I could've imagined...

Though, I did find some friendly faces... Nate and Jimmy were in there, "Pumping Iron," as was the general terminology... So it brought me a little comfort...

So, I pushed myself to limits and beyond... I sweated and moaned and groaned with the rest of them... Breaking my body and its desires down... It was invigorating and surprisingly refreshing, to say the least... I ran back to my room, which was on the other side of campus, not realizing how much adrenaline I had left in me (so I ran a little harder, and a little faster than I should've)... When I got back to my room and sat down I almost passed out... This intense pain came over my whole body... I tried to take a shower to make myself feel better, but couldn't lift my arms to wash my hair... I tried to sit down, but my head would pound... And every time I would try to stand the room would spin... Lunch tried to push its way back out, but I had buffalo chicken wraps today and I wasn't about to let that come up, it would be a waste... Finally I decided to lay down... I lay in my bed wondering why I would do such a thing to my body...

In those moments of pain and agony I remembered why I don't workout...

After my intense afternoon was over, I looked back at it... I realized what an emotional and physical roller coaster it had been... The ups and downs of my ego... The ups and downs of the muscles... The (almost) ups and downs of lunch... And then I realized how accomplished I felt... And in that moment, I realized, now, that I like to work out...

Hopefully I'll will be able to stick to this thing called "exercise." It has helped me in the past... It helps me to be more diligent in school, my devotional time with God, and in life... I think that there is something spiritual about beating your body (flesh)... Paul said it right when he said "But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified."

This is me...

2008-01-29T08:37:00.000-08:00

After listening to a John Mayer solo:

(This is my face being melted off)

Yes... I had a lot of free time this morning... And spent too much time looking at myself in photo booth... How self absorbed am I...

Deer BWM,

2008-01-26T20:38:00.000-08:00

I have come to an astounding epiphany; animals are angry with humans, and are willing to throw their bodies like a kamikaze into the side of an 80 mile an hour (don't tell the police...) BMW 5 series... That's right... At 6, and some odd minutes tonight, a kamikaze deer threw himself, not at the buick 10 yards in front of me, nor the pontiac 10 yards behind me, but at my BMW!

Don't worry, I'm fine, but my car got pretty dinged up, and I think his antler hit my windshield because it shattered in the silhouette of a deer rack... And I'm missing my side rear view mirror... It's laying in the grass along highway 471 somewhere...

It was a very strange experience... I had absolutely no time to react... I saw a brown object dart from the woods and then before I could react I saw his rage-filled eyes, in slow motion almost, as he hit my windshield, and glass exploded in my car, those same hating eyes turned into the saddest eyes I've ever seen in my life... I say I had no time to react, which i didn't, but I find it strange that I can remember that as his eyes turned from hatred into regret, I couldn't help but feel sorry for him... More compassion came over me as I looked back at his lifeless body laying on the side of the road... I almost forgot that-that same deer just ran into my car...

He ran into my left wheel well, and then his head hit the bottom left portion of my windshield, which shattered, and then miraculously (seriously!) missed my door but hit every other possible location on the side of my car... If he would've hit my door the airbags would've punched the-taco bell I had for lunch-out of me...

The car in front and behind stopped to help me and see if I was alright... I think they were husband and wife... (If you're are out there; Thank you)... I wanted to say more than just "thank you" at the moment when they helped, but didn't know how... (I actually didn't really need any help, but it's nice just to have someone there after something like this happens, it's very comforting)... But I think they figured out a way for me to thank them on their own... As they were leaving, they turned around, found the dead deer on the side of the road, picked him up, and put him in their trunk... I guess you could say that my "random act of kindness" for today, would be... feeding a family...

I would also like to thank BMW for making such a strong car... A deer, running full speed, hit the side of my car as I was going 80 miles an hour and I don't have a scratch on me... Other than being shaken up, finding glass in my hair a few hours later, and having a moment of sympathy and sorrow for the deer, I am perfectly fine...

I would also like to thank God... I know He had His hand on me...

I don't mean to sound arrogant, but why my BMW?! I think I have a little right to be upset... I mean it did hit MY car... But now I'm thinking that maybe the person in front and/or behind me may not have had insurance, or would've not been able afford to have their car in the shop for a week, or whose car could've been totaled... So, if it had to hit somebody, I'm almost glad it hit me... But, they better enjoy that deer!!

This is real life story #1...

A New Journey... In Place of a Journal

2008-01-26T11:08:00.000-08:00

Yes indeed... Im excited to start blogging, hoping this will not turn into another Myspace/Facebook addiction, but more an incentive for me to write and express myself... I always used to think that I never thought... But lately I've been realizing that I think way to much... So I need a place to get all that out, but I've never liked to journal...

I've always wanted to Journal, but have never had the patience nor wanted the time... A journal (which in the past, has only lasted about a week. It's funny really, the dates in my journal are so out of place!) has helped me to "complete" my day, or has helped to analyze myself and put it on paper and then to reanalyze it 1 month, 2 months, a year from now, to see where God has taken me... I want to learn to find myself in words... And among an audience of avid and experienced writers I hope to learn to do so...

As Brian D. McLauren (Generous Orthodoxy) says: " I write not to stop my mind from thinking, but because I can't stop it. Writing (whether in a journal, in an e-mail, on a Web site, or through an article, book, or sermon) at least produces some fruit from the labor of compulsive thinking.

I also would like to thank all those already "blogging." You have inspired me put myself out there.

I don't plan on writing past my own ability. I don't plan on making myself sound smarter than I really am. A good man, named Jerry Wilson once told me that if you're not yourself, people can see right through you.

So this is me... In real life...